Saturday 28 January 2012

You're An Idiot, White Man!


Note for the folks at home: Thorny cacti are the dominant life form of Maralal, in the semi-arid Samburu district of Kenya. Humans seem to be an afterthought, sprinkled in and around the bustling cactus metropolises. Growing thorns, in fact, seems to be the common adaptation among all the local plant life. Even the most innocent-looking baby bushes are riddled with sharp prongs just waiting to get lodged in the body of an unaware passer-by. The phrase "every rose has its thorn" holds little significance to a local, who would be surprised to find any flower without barbs.

Friday 20 January 2012

Dangerous



Note for the folks at home: I am 100% certain this is not what really happened to my imaginative storyteller of a student. He was not shot to death with an AK-47. His story is neither an accurate representation of people of the Somali ethnic group nor a truthful generalization of females in general. Furthermore, the full-length buibui attire is worn by a small subsection of the Muslim subsection of the Somali population, not all Somali females. THAT BEING SAID, my student's tall tale illustrates the fact that tribal differences are still recognized among modern Kenyans. Despite over 40 distinct ethnic "tribes" existing simultaneously across Kenya, tribal stereotypes are still very common. One tribe may be called lazy, another greedy, and another womanizing; most surprising of all, these stereotypes are even propagated inside a Kenyan's OWN tribe.
And for the record, the Kenyan stereotype for whites is that they are rich, wholly unable to do any degree of physical labor, and will reward children with candy for screaming, "HAWAYU?!"

Friday 13 January 2012

New House



Note for the folks at home: English, the third (or fourth) language of many Kenyans, has evolved in the country into something truly unique. Kenyan English is as distinct, it seems, as American English ("y'all want some grits?") or British English ("rip pop the pippins, slaggar, my dumples have rimpendimpled."). In addition to mild alterations of common English phrases ("How do you love it?", "How do you advice my new shirt?"), Kenyan English has a few confusing elements of its very own, including: ending any sentence with "...isn't it?", gratuitous addition of the words "just" and "even" ("Even you, you will just assist me with a pencil."), and, most puzzling, the replacement of the word "What?" with "Yes."

Saturday 7 January 2012

Fasten Seatbelts



Note for the folks at home: while there are many airstrips throughout the country, the three major airports of Kenya are in its three largest cities: Nairobi, Mombasa, and Kisumu. A one-way ticket from Nairobi to New York City currently costs about $1800, or 150,000 Kenyan shillings, with a layover somewhere in Europe.
Happy New Year! When you get tired of saying "twenty-twelve" and "two-thousand-twelve", try "two-zero-one-two"! And if you get sick of that, why not go with "ought-twelve"?