The Funny Joke Zone

Note for the folks at home: The political situation in Kenya is consistently a heated topic of debate among Kenyans. Since becoming and independent republic in 1964, Kenya has endured a grand total of zero political movements that lacked widespread argument. First, Jomo Kenyatta led a single-party system and in 1978 was succeeded by his Vice President, Daniel arap Moi. Along with (from what I can tell) every other leader to ever hold power in Kenya, Moi was accused of unjust tribal favoritism ("tribalism") throughout his career as President. Eventually, Kenya developed a constitution that banned Moi from serving indefinitely, and Moi was no longer eligible in the 2002 elections. Next came Mwai Kibaki, who, as current President, is close to the end of his two-term, ten-year service. In 2007, during the election that resulted in Kibaki's second term, allegations of corruption in the voting mechanism led to the 2007 post-election violence. Over 1000 people all over Kenya died in riots and violent unrest. Since then, Kenya's effort to put to justice those responsible for the violence has just recently started to show results: four prominent Kenyan political figures have been sent to the International Criminal Court in The Hague to decide their fates. Also, this is an election year for Kenya, and since Kibaki can't be re-elected, you can imagine how it's all anyone can talk about. Kind of reminds me of another election-year-country...

tl;dr: Kenyans like to talk about politics.

How I Look

Note for the folks at home: Many native Kenyans have a skewed view of what all white people ("wazungu") are like, and it's no surprise. For a great deal of people living in rural Kenya, the only white people available for study are those on television and any tourists that might pass through. TV Wazungu, and you can check to see this for yourself, are by and large rich music/movie stars, politicians, or contestants on Extreme Couponing (is that a real show?! ... I've been in Kenya a while). Similarly, Tourist Wazungu are rich enough to holiday in Kenya, and entirely unaccustomed to the heat, stress, amount of walking, etc. of African life --- hence the "baby" stereotype.

And no, I wasn't pulling off the mustache.

Note for the folks in Kenya: drawing the "rich man" version of myself reminds me of a Monopoly Man story...

Hi!

Note for the folks at home: Greetings in Kenya are an important social mechanism. Copious "how are you?" questions are necessary: "How is your day?" "How are your children?" "What type of day are you having?" "How is work?" "Which news do you have?" "Are you well?" Fortunately, all of these questions can and must be answered with some version of: "Fine." What might be considered Small Talk in America is a large portion of all communication in Kenya. Additionally, handshakes are required. Because hugs are almost completely absent, handshakes, as the only form of person-to-person physical contact available to Kenyans, have the potential to be long, drawn-out affairs, more akin to prolonged hand-holding in the eyes of a foreigner.

Guest True Story

Note for the folks at home: While beef, pork, and chicken exist all over Kenya, the most popular meat among Kenyans is goat. Goat is consumed boiled, fried, or, most commonly, roasted over an open fire ("choma"). Every part of the goat that isn't unavoidably poisonous is consumed joyously: the meat is pulled out of every conceivable nook (including hidden within the hooves), the kidneys, liver, "stomachs" (intestines), and testicles aren't safe from hungry humans, and even the severed head is steeped in boiling water to form "soup". Admittedly, goat meat is rather tasty --- a softer, slightly more pungent meat than beef, with a distinct aftertaste. Maybe a little like what a cow/pig hybrid would taste like.

"Whistle"

Note for the folks at home: Football (also known as "soccer" or "that kicking game") is, without doubt, the most popular sport in Kenya. Other sports exist; like rugby, volleyball, badminton, handball, netball, and basketball; but they are generally considered warm-up acts to The Game Of Games. Kenya boasts its own national football league, the Kenyan Premier League, which currently hosts sixteen teams from all over the nation (although, admittedly, most are based in the capital city, Nairobi). Despite this, few Kenyans follow the Kenyan Premier League, opting instead for English Premier League games. Many English clubs have a strong following in Kenya, including Manchester United, Chelsea, and Arsenal. To a Kenyan, American football seems like an outrageous and comical sport, if they have heard of it at all.

You're An Idiot, White Man!

Note for the folks at home: Thorny cacti are the dominant life form of Maralal, in the semi-arid Samburu district of Kenya. Humans seem to be an afterthought, sprinkled in and around the bustling cactus metropolises. Growing thorns, in fact, seems to be the common adaptation among all the local plant life. Even the most innocent-looking baby bushes are riddled with sharp prongs just waiting to get lodged in the body of an unaware passer-by. The phrase "every rose has its thorn" holds little significance to a local, who would be surprised to find any flower without barbs.

Dangerous

Note for the folks at home: I am 100% certain this is not what really happened to my imaginative storyteller of a student. He was not shot to death with an AK-47. His story is neither an accurate representation of people of the Somali ethnic group nor a truthful generalization of females in general. Furthermore, the full-length buibui attire is worn by a small subsection of the Muslim subsection of the Somali population, not all Somali females. THAT BEING SAID, my student's tall tale illustrates the fact that tribal differences are still recognized among modern Kenyans. Despite over 40 distinct ethnic "tribes" existing simultaneously across Kenya, tribal stereotypes are still very common. One tribe may be called lazy, another greedy, and another womanizing; most surprising of all, these stereotypes are even propagated inside a Kenyan's OWN tribe.
And for the record, the Kenyan stereotype for whites is that they are rich, wholly unable to do any degree of physical labor, and will reward children with candy for screaming, "HAWAYU?!"